


sunao na mama (honestly) going down

by thunderylee



Category: KAT-TUN (Band)
Genre: Canon Universe, Gen, Humor, explicit discussion of cunnilingus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-02-05
Updated: 2011-02-05
Packaged: 2019-01-28 12:12:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12606360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thunderylee/pseuds/thunderylee
Summary: Kame doesn’t go down. On girls.





	sunao na mama (honestly) going down

**Author's Note:**

> reposted from agck.

“Wouldn’t it hurt?” Nakamaru asks seriously as Kame walks into the dressing room. “That’s a lot of pressure for such a sensitive area.”

“I’m honestly surprised you haven’t tried it yet,” Ueda replies, lifting a hand in greeting to their youngest without looking up from his book. “Or it may be a good thing, in case word gets out. You’d have to beat them away with sticks.”

“Word gets out about what?” Kame asks curiously. He places his bag down at his station and stares at his reflection, mentally planning the route he will take to visual perfection.

This just means he gets to witness his own reaction to Ueda’s answer: “Beatboxing during oral sex.”

If Kame were to pin a description onto his face, it would be a cross between Bambi and Tegoshi. He’s not sure which one is more shameful.

“You can do that?” he asks in amazement.

“I don’t know,” Nakamaru replies, shrugging like it’s a completely appropriate conversation. Like a math equation. “I think it would hurt her.”

“Her…” Kame processes this, his nose wrinkling in the mirror as he considers this. “With girls?”

Pause.

“ _Ka~me~_ ” Nakamaru says in that knowing I’m-the-oldest voice, abandoning his own station to lean onto Kame’s. (He will look exactly the same when they go out on stage anyway.) “Are you saying that you don’t go down on girls?”

“I didn’t know people did that,” Kame says in a rush, defensively. He doesn’t like the look of superiority on Nakamaru’s face. It’s _Nakamaru_ , for crying out loud. He shouldn’t be schooling anyone on anything sexual.

“ _Ka~me~_ ” Ueda drawls out, shaking his head as he continues to read. “How do you keep girls around?”

“Seriously,” Nakamaru agrees, and Kame turns away before he can see the inevitable disappointed amusement. “I would think the older women would have trained you right.”

Kame rolls his eyes as he flops down on the couch and folds his arms. “They may have if those rumors were true. You guys believe that shit?”

“I don’t know what to believe anymore,” Nakamaru tells him. He sits down next to Kame and Kame huffily scoots away. “With all of those tongue things you do on camera, I’m kind of in shock right now.”

The door opens, and Koki swaggers in.

“Dude,” Nakamaru greets him, raising an arm to punch bro knucks. “Did you know that Kame doesn’t go down on girls?”

“ _Whaaaaat_ ,” Koki replies, turning to face their youngest with an expression of awe mixed with pity. “How do you keep them around?”

“That’s what I said,” Ueda speaks up, flipping a page.

“ _Ka~me~_ ” Koki drones, flinging his bag onto the floor and stretching out his neck and shoulders like he’s about to spar with someone. “Are you scared or something?”

“No!” Kame exclaims. He really hates them all right now. “I just never thought about it.”

Koki pauses and points right at Kame. “You are missing out, bro. I _love_ doing that shit. They taste so good, and they’re all different. Like the Baskin-Robbins of pussy or something.”

“I used to think it was gross,” Nakamaru admits, “then Koki talked me into trying it. Now I can’t _not_ do it.”

They punch bro knucks again. Kame has a vision of Koki instructing Nakamaru _in person_ and feels even more traumatized.

“This was also ten years ago,” Koki adds, offering Kame an unimpressed look. “ _How_ old are you?”

“I get it,” Kame says pointedly. “Can we get to work now?”

The door opens again, and this time it’s Taguchi, shuffling in slowly as he types on his phone.

“Junno!” Koki yells, startling the other. His arrival usually doesn’t get noticed. “You go down on girls, right?”

If Taguchi finds this question odd or invasive, he doesn’t show it. “Of course,” he replies, like Koki had just asked him if rain fell from the sky. “My woman would leave me otherwise.”

“Okay, you guys!” Kame goes on, starting to feel heat in his face from being mocked like this. His only comfort is that Jin isn’t here to add to it. “I see what you’re saying, and I promise you all that the next girl I date, I’ll do… that. Let’s just get ready for the performance now.”

“Wait a minute,” Taguchi says as it clicks in his head. “You don’t go down? How do you keep girlfriends?”

Kame sighs and drops his face into his hands. “I give up.”

He expects it this time when Taguchi exclaims, “ _Ka~me~”_

“It’s not like I’m a virgin!” Kame yells. “Nakamaru didn’t get laid until he was twenty-two!”

“I’m shy!” Nakamaru yells back. Koki pats his shoulder comfortingly.

“You can borrow mine, if you want,” Taguchi offers casually. “Rena loves it, and it’s not really cheating if you don’t fuck her. In fact…” Taguchi looks thoughtful as he scrolls back through his phone. “Yeah, she’s been bugging me for a threesome, so if you want-”

“NO!” Kame shouts, his high-pitched voice echoing off the tile walls and probably down the hallway. No wonder everyone thinks their group fights with each other. “I’m done with this conversation.”

“How did the topic come up, anyway?” Koki asks, taking Kame’s abandoned seat as the youngest stalks back to his station. “Not that I’m opposed to talking about this kind of stuff, but, well. It’s _you guys_.”

Naturally, Koki and Nakamaru punch bro knucks again. There’s an entire half of the couch still open, but Nakamaru just stays where he is. They share cushions all the time.

“Tatsuya and I were discussing if it would make her feel good to beatbox while going down,” Nakamaru relays. “I thought it might be painful.”

“ _Oh_ , no no no,” Taguchi says, his face lighting up as he stands before them all. “Trust me, it’s not.”

“How would you know?” Koki and Nakamaru ask in unison.

Taguchi gives them a pointed look. “Nakamaru isn’t the only person in Japan who can beatbox, you know.”

It’s Ueda who laughs first, not bothering to contain it as he carefully puts his book away and gets to his feet. “Come on, let’s get to work before Kame leaves the group and we have to perform as NUTT.”

Nakamaru makes a violated face while Koki and Taguchi burst out laughing. Kame suspects that this is a common arrangement in their side unit.

As he concentrates on making himself presentable, Kame himself has no immediate plans to test Nakamaru’s theory anytime soon.

At least with girls.


End file.
